Your first day

Dear my baby love,

You are born in 13th August 2014.

A symbol of love between mummy and walid.

Mummy pray that you will become a Solehah girl, a huffaz,  independent, brave, intelligent, kind hearted, respect the elder.

Mummy promise to support you on whatever you want to do.

Mummy promise not to scold you but to hear on your side of story.

Mummy will be your advisor in anytime you need an advise.

Mummy will fought for your best interest.

Mummy promise to love you unconditionally.

A mother's instinct.

Assalamualaikum...

 

Hi my little ones.. how are you feeling today? It has been two weeks since you started to show the signs of coughing. But mummy, being a typical hard-headed person refused to take you to see doctor and believes that your antibody are developing somehow or rather. Well, mummy believe that by interrupting your antibody to develop by giving chemical (which i read as poison), will not help your health in a long run. But, majority of people doesn't share the same view as i am.

 

I know i have to learn to trust my instinct.

 

Last week, when your body temperature started to climb up, we got panicked. Your walid and me rush you to the nearby hospital. The doctor, well, he said that you are in a healthy condition. Just a slight fever. And nothing to be worried.

 

OK. I need to trust my instinct.

 

So now, eventhough there a still a trace of coughing every now and then, we try to med you by giving you few drops of honey and inhaler. Alhamdulillah, you are getting better.

This reminds me the first time you get admitted to the hospital.

 

*********************************************************************************

 

Yes, you have been coughing non-stop for the past few days. i should have notice that you are not focusing on your milking. like something is bothering your breathing. No, i just thought that you are distracted by the environment. So, i take you to an early nap. You couldn't sleep. You have difficulties in milking, again. But,  i hear no sounds of running nose.

 

Then you started to cough worst than ever. Your throats started to shrink each time you cough. Your walid wants to bring you to hospital, because he said it is symptoms of asthma, as he himself have one. I said no. My daughter is not asthmatic. I know it is a genetic disease, but this will not happen to my child. I breastfed her. No. No. No.

 

I opt for natural remedy. I do the massaging, steam and percussion I even try to suck your mucus out.

So, eventually (After so much debating with myself, your walid also your grannies) we did take you to hospital. I feel lonely at times. I wish i had fought better. So that i don't have to see your tiny little fingers been poked with those scary needles, and not to witness your nose and lungs being inserted with those never ending wires. It's a promise, i wont let something like this ever again. 

 

To make short, you have been warded for three looooong days.

 

Sometimes i feel like a fail mummy. But your walid reassure me that this is all test from the Mighty. After all, we are first time parents, and we are also a learners. 

 

So, according to the doctor, you do not have asthma. It is just a bronchitis. 

 

Anyhow, your wise nenek always says... "don't feed your illness with negative thoughts. Wear the positive hat and be happy, you'll be easily recover". 

 

I am totally agree with that, only i would add one more thing, "trust your motherly instinct." 

 

with your med

 

 

 

Hi little cutie!

Hana's 4th day after birth at 4 a.m.

Assalamualaikum..

Time passes, i have a lot to say, but so little time to write. Dear baby, life with you is so wonderful. I feel like suddenly my life is brighter than ever with you by my side. I am no longer feel the loneliness that i used to have before you came.

Ok, now where to start?

Dear baby, i had been admitted to Hospital Selayang on 10th August 2014. I don't feel the pain yet, but according to your midwife, it suppose to be the due date. But i guessed, you are not yet ready to come out. (yes, later if you happen to get lil bro or sis, do remind me to ONLY go to hospital once the pain started).

After 2 times induce but no signs of you coming out, we decided to opt for a caesarean. You were born on 13th August 2014 and weight of 3.14kg. It was my first time undergo a surgery, during which i keep on babbling to the anaesthetist on whatever things that i myself cannot recall. Too nervous.

But the time i heard you first cry, i myself cry. I AM A MOTHER!!! And the first time i saw you, the doctor ask me to count your little fingers and toes. I am like, who really cares if she even got more or less, she's alive, that matters. 

You have round face with round figure.. and yes, you can open up your eyes from your first day. NUR HANANIA.. we name you.

NUR = light / cahaya
HANANIA = favoured by God /dikasihi Allah

I love you right there and then. I even cant stop looking at you. Dear baby, you are the most adorable thing on earth for both ummi and walid. And your smell, oh my God.. its just a bliss. People say that a newborn will smell like heaven. Never been to one, but for me those are the purest smell ever.

Baby, please don't grow up too fast!