teething

Assalamualaikum...

I still remembers how your body temperature suddenly rise. You became weak and somber. And through the night when i breastfeed you, you body feel so hot, like an iron burning hot. But i don't care, i just hug you through the night. 

Deep inside, i was so damn worried. i was shattered to pieces. i couldn't even reach the temperature monitor to check on you. i don't want the number fools me. Yeah... kind of stupido. i put wet towels on your head. and i notice, you keep on sweating. 

Sweating is good, right? it shows that your immune system is fighting back.....right?

I couldn't sleep well that night. Every now and then, i wake up to check on your breathing and fed you milk. i feel powerless. 

So, this is how a mother feel when their child is sick. Sad. Yeah... i feel sad, yet i couldn't cry. i need to be strong. A mother SUPPOSED to be strong.

the day after that night, i saw it coming. your gum is swollen and there is a trace of white teeth coming out from it.

i am a happy mother! :)   

Your first day

Dear my baby love,

You are born in 13th August 2014.

A symbol of love between mummy and walid.

Mummy pray that you will become a Solehah girl, a huffaz,  independent, brave, intelligent, kind hearted, respect the elder.

Mummy promise to support you on whatever you want to do.

Mummy promise not to scold you but to hear on your side of story.

Mummy will be your advisor in anytime you need an advise.

Mummy will fought for your best interest.

Mummy promise to love you unconditionally.

A mother's instinct.

Assalamualaikum...

 

Hi my little ones.. how are you feeling today? It has been two weeks since you started to show the signs of coughing. But mummy, being a typical hard-headed person refused to take you to see doctor and believes that your antibody are developing somehow or rather. Well, mummy believe that by interrupting your antibody to develop by giving chemical (which i read as poison), will not help your health in a long run. But, majority of people doesn't share the same view as i am.

 

I know i have to learn to trust my instinct.

 

Last week, when your body temperature started to climb up, we got panicked. Your walid and me rush you to the nearby hospital. The doctor, well, he said that you are in a healthy condition. Just a slight fever. And nothing to be worried.

 

OK. I need to trust my instinct.

 

So now, eventhough there a still a trace of coughing every now and then, we try to med you by giving you few drops of honey and inhaler. Alhamdulillah, you are getting better.

This reminds me the first time you get admitted to the hospital.

 

*********************************************************************************

 

Yes, you have been coughing non-stop for the past few days. i should have notice that you are not focusing on your milking. like something is bothering your breathing. No, i just thought that you are distracted by the environment. So, i take you to an early nap. You couldn't sleep. You have difficulties in milking, again. But,  i hear no sounds of running nose.

 

Then you started to cough worst than ever. Your throats started to shrink each time you cough. Your walid wants to bring you to hospital, because he said it is symptoms of asthma, as he himself have one. I said no. My daughter is not asthmatic. I know it is a genetic disease, but this will not happen to my child. I breastfed her. No. No. No.

 

I opt for natural remedy. I do the massaging, steam and percussion I even try to suck your mucus out.

So, eventually (After so much debating with myself, your walid also your grannies) we did take you to hospital. I feel lonely at times. I wish i had fought better. So that i don't have to see your tiny little fingers been poked with those scary needles, and not to witness your nose and lungs being inserted with those never ending wires. It's a promise, i wont let something like this ever again. 

 

To make short, you have been warded for three looooong days.

 

Sometimes i feel like a fail mummy. But your walid reassure me that this is all test from the Mighty. After all, we are first time parents, and we are also a learners. 

 

So, according to the doctor, you do not have asthma. It is just a bronchitis. 

 

Anyhow, your wise nenek always says... "don't feed your illness with negative thoughts. Wear the positive hat and be happy, you'll be easily recover". 

 

I am totally agree with that, only i would add one more thing, "trust your motherly instinct." 

 

with your med

 

 

 

Hi little cutie!

Hana's 4th day after birth at 4 a.m.

Assalamualaikum..

Time passes, i have a lot to say, but so little time to write. Dear baby, life with you is so wonderful. I feel like suddenly my life is brighter than ever with you by my side. I am no longer feel the loneliness that i used to have before you came.

Ok, now where to start?

Dear baby, i had been admitted to Hospital Selayang on 10th August 2014. I don't feel the pain yet, but according to your midwife, it suppose to be the due date. But i guessed, you are not yet ready to come out. (yes, later if you happen to get lil bro or sis, do remind me to ONLY go to hospital once the pain started).

After 2 times induce but no signs of you coming out, we decided to opt for a caesarean. You were born on 13th August 2014 and weight of 3.14kg. It was my first time undergo a surgery, during which i keep on babbling to the anaesthetist on whatever things that i myself cannot recall. Too nervous.

But the time i heard you first cry, i myself cry. I AM A MOTHER!!! And the first time i saw you, the doctor ask me to count your little fingers and toes. I am like, who really cares if she even got more or less, she's alive, that matters. 

You have round face with round figure.. and yes, you can open up your eyes from your first day. NUR HANANIA.. we name you.

NUR = light / cahaya
HANANIA = favoured by God /dikasihi Allah

I love you right there and then. I even cant stop looking at you. Dear baby, you are the most adorable thing on earth for both ummi and walid. And your smell, oh my God.. its just a bliss. People say that a newborn will smell like heaven. Never been to one, but for me those are the purest smell ever.

Baby, please don't grow up too fast!

tick tock tick tock

Assalamualaikum

Dear Baby, a lot of things has happened to mummy lately. i am restless, tired, feeling stupid, agitated, imbalance, drained.. all physically and mentally suffocating. i think a lot has happened since i am carrying you.

No baby, i have no intention to blame you at all. Don't get me wrong.

It's just me. I think this is just one of many ways Allah speaks to me. As a reminder. As a kaffarah for mistakes that I've committed in the past.

In a way, i am thankful for all these tests from Him. It makes me closer to reality every second.

And if my time has come, i have nothing to be regret for.

For i am a human, and i do make mistake. Dear baby, never afraid to admit whenever you have committed a mistake. What more important is, you learn from it and accept it as part and parcel path to be a better person.

And always be good to your walid. He is forever answerable to whatever you do.

Few weeks left.

i cant wait.

less than 100 days.. to go!

السلام عليكم

#I'm expecting apps 

By this time, I've already get used to my pregnancy. Feeling you moving inside my belly is the most strangest thing ever happened to me.. yet it is the most beautiful feeling ever.

 

Not once or twice you kick mummy, but i still sometimes shock surprise when you did it.

 

Seeing my belly grows bigger each day (not to mention becoming compact each day), never stop me from mesmerizing God's creation.

And you were there, witnessing every moments in my life without fail throughout the 9 months. My good, my bad, my tears, my laughter, my ego, my tantrums... i am never alone.

 

And time passes. i am still eager to see you. i hope that we can be united in real life. i hope that my delivery process will go smooth. cause i cant wait to see you and hold you!  

 

Till then, my love!

 

 

Milk vs Colostrum

Assalamualaikum..

 

Yesterday I feel like my nipple being pricked by needles. At home, I try to massage my breast like I used to for this few months and suddenly a thick liquid appears from my nipple. I was shouting in shock to your walid. Then when I have calm down and digest the situation, I come to conclusion that it is the so called breast milk.

 

Baby, this is the first time milk is finding its way out from the breast and I am so excited. Alhamdulillah, this is a good sign that I can breastfeed (bf) you.

 

And as excited I am, I started to google on how early I can pump my breast milk to get ready with your milk stock. Sadly, I didn't find any definite answers....yet. It's ok, I'll keep that in mind and to ask my midwife next time i see him.

 

My only findings is that the thick liquid comes from my breast is not actually milk. It is called colostrum, and it is good for baby's immunisation system. Few days after the delivery, the colostrum will change to milk.

 

So, I wonder, if I pump it now, would I only be pumping for colostrum, or in a few days after I pump it will change into milk, and thus my baby will not get the colostrum.... hmmm.... question question question...

 

Till then, I will keep on doing my research.

 

http://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/bhcv2/bhcarticles.nsf/pages/Breastfeeding_the_first_days 

 

http://www.babycenter.com/0_breastfeeding-getting-started_465.bc 

 

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/pregnancy-weeks-21-22-23-24.aspx#close 

those tiny fingernails

Assalamualaikum..

 

Hi baby, I guess you are still not ready to show us whether you are Adam or Eve. But rest assured, whoever you'll turn into, I promised you to love you no matter what. I promised to not push you for something that you don't want to do, especially in regards to your future. I will stick by you no matter what.

 

And for the first time, I get to see your fingernails. Cute cute cute!!!!! Aaaaaa... I can't get enough of it!! Can't wait to see you! 

 

Mummy have started to attend Syaria Diploma classes. A bit tiring, but what the heck. All for the purpose of knowledge. Never in my mind that I will continue studying while pregnant. But I guess, this whole entire period makes me realise on a future planning. Obviously, my ultimate goal is to be a fulltime mother to all my kids, insyaAllah, keep praying for the best. I pray hard that one day Allah will bless us with sufficient fund for walid and mummy so that walid will allow mummy to be a fulltime mummy.

 

On the other note, your beloved makngah have safely delivered one baby boy. I can tell you that I really love babies! You guys are addictive!

4 months to go

Assalamualaikum...

Baby, this mark my 20th weeks of pregnancy. Both mummy and walid are sooooo excited to see you. Most probably we can identify your gender in our next check-up (which in few days to come)!!

You know what, this few days mummy becomes super duper manja and attached to your walid. I really hope to raise you in a very loving environment. And I can't wait to feel your first kick.

I've been dreaming of you a lot lately. You have the cutest lips like your walid, pointy nose like mummy, fair skin like your granny, and you are the chubby-licious baby ever!!!

Please tell me that your mummy is not crazy for a missing a baby which is not yet born.. but, I really really reallyyyy misses you and just can't wait to meet you, darling!!  

Ya Allah, I pray for the safety of my baby and may you bless us and unite us in good health.. InsyaAllah.

the first news

Assalamualaikum.

Hi baby, now mummy is in 17 weeks of pregnancy and mummy cant wait for the latest addition in our family of two (mummy and your walid).. >.<

 

Mummy thinks the first time mummy had a hunch that mummy was carrying you in my stomach is on the first 2 weeks itself, when your walid hit a bumper on the road and I feels funny inside my stomach. A sudden feel to protect whatever inside it, without knowing what it really was. But mummy didn't tell anyone of course, especially to your anxious walid. Like, who would have known their pregnancy on the first few week, right? Instead, I just told him to slow down the motorcycle without directly telling him anything.

 

Come the forth weeks, your walid and I went for one marathon event. Well baby, you should have known by now that your mummy is an adrenaline seeker and likes to think big. This is the first time mummy joined a marathon event. Mummy knows by now, I am few days late for my menstrual circle.

Your walid run fast. I don't want to be left far, so I just keep my phase and stop for a second or two to control my breathing. As my leg is moving and my mind is pushing me not to quit, my heart is racing, "what if I really got pregnant? would this running effect my baby?" .. By now, my stomach feel so much pain. like a period pain. So I just think that maybe this is just a PMS thingy. But deep down, I pray hard "Ya Allah, if you have choose me to carry a baby, please make it safe. Please make it as tough as the mother or even tougher. Ya Allah, if this is a gift from you for me and my hubby, please don't take it away. Even though I am not sure how to be a mother, I will learn, I promise you, Ya Allah!".

 

And of course, being me, I didn't tell anyone what I feel that moment.

 

Days passes. Mummy is late almost two weeks for menstrual cycle. so, I cant keep it to myself anymore. Mummy then asked your walid to buy pregnancy kit. Your walid looked at mummy for a few seconds before he looked away. I saw hope in your walid's face. But I also see his fear and worries at the same time. He didn't say anything. Yes, your father is a man of few words.

 

That night we plan for a balik kampung trip with your grandma. There is a wedding in Singapore to attend to. Suddenly your walid stop at the nearby pharmacy and he ask me out of the car. And we went to medical section where we find the pregnancy kit. Mummy purposely took the one with two test kit inside. The rest of the journey, we didn't say anything. But my mind is full with questions and possibilities. I am sure your walid is just as same as mummy.  

 

"Have you taken the test yet?" your walid asked me before going to sleep. "Not yet", so I answered.

 

I could not sleep well. I woke up early that morning. I took out the pregnancy kit and bring it to the bathroom. I've heard people said that the first urine in the morning is the most accurate HCG level. With bismillah, I took the test.

 

I couldn't believe my eyes! I checked it, counter checked and triple checked the instruction and information on the box again until I am certain. I woke your walid up from his sleep. I didn't say anything, I just show him the pregnancy kit together with the information box.

 

After a while, "Pregnant?" he asked.

 

I smiled. "yes, you are going to be a father!".

 

I cried. He hugged me.